Point of View Exercise

1. On March 3, 1991, a Metro bus stopped at the corner of New Street and 21st. The doors screeched open, and Peter Fletchly stepped onto the paved street. His eyes were weary from staring out the window of the bus for more than 6 hours. He blinked a few times and pulled his suitcase tightly in as a cold northern wind brushed over his face. He saw the plain, young women standing by the stop sign with her arms crossed. She stared at him harshly, wondering if this was the man she was waiting for. "I can do this," Peter thought.

2. The balding man sat straight up in his purple, cushioned seat as the bus crept along the wide city streets. He was thrown back and forth, bracing himself only with the armrests, as the driver navigated the sharp city turns. His small canvas suitcase was stuffed under the seat, and he periodically kicked it to make sure it was still there. Soon, the bus rolled to a stop and the man grabbed his belongings. He hastily walked down the aisle to the front of the bus. "Bye George, thanks for the ride," the man said. "Good luck, Peter," replied the bus driver.

3. The plain, young woman with long brown hair stood on the corner of New Street and 21st. She switched her weight from foot to foot and crossed and uncrossed her arms. She had been waiting for about 30 minutes when she saw a Metro bus emerging down the street. It turned the corner and began to slow down, coming to a complete stop at the corner. The doors screeched open and she heard a man's deep voice say something to the driver. Then, the man with the deep voice emerged like a bear out of a cave. "So you're my grandfather?" she said to him. Her eyes narrowed into little slits as she looked at her new guardian for the first time.

4. Every day at 5:00 I ride the Metro bus home from work. My coworkers often wonder why I do this when I could just drive myself home. I tell them, "It's for the economy." Today as I waited for the bus in the cultural district downtown there was a young girl waiting there with me, who I have never seen before. She looked very nervous and annoyed. As the 4:47 bus from Detroit arrived, I watched her as she followed the bus down the street. Her countenance became one of horror when it came to a stop. As the doors screeched open, a shabbily dressed man stepped off the bus. He looked around and hope sprang into his face when he saw the brown-haired girl.

5. I dunno when I first met Peter. I been bussin all my life and somehow he rode all my busses. Few weeks ago, he axed me to drive him to Cleveland to meet his gran'kid and I know he ain't got no money. He says he'll pay me back somehow but I know he ain't got nothin. I says of course cause he done a lot for me. I was drivin to Cleveland in two weeks. He was so excited. He kept huggin me and thankin me and talkin to me about the trip. When the time came, he sat straight up on the bus, never even readin or sleepin. I know he's thinkin about her. I wished him good luck on his way out. He's gonna need it.

45 for 45

10 Adjectives that describe Mom
1. Beautiful
2. Funny
3. Intelligent
4. Hard-working
5. Unpredictable
6. Kind
7. Selfless
8. Fun
9. Educated
10. Spiritual

5 Qualities I got from Mom
1. My laugh
2. My sense of humor
3. My language skills
4. My hard-working nature
5. My people skills

5 CDs she listens to
1. Dave Matthews
2. Buena Vista Social Club
3. Rush Hour Spanish
4. Santana
5. Nilsson Schmilsson

5 Things she does that she doesn't know I like
1. Handles money well
2. Watches me pull out of the driveway when I leave
3. Gives money to charity
4. Helps me decide what to do with my life
5. Calls me "My Little Poopie"

10 Movies she owns
1. Pride and Prejudice
2. Age of Innocence
3. Last of the Mohicans
4. Singing in the Rain
5. Emma
6. Philadelphia Story
7. It's a Wonderful Life
8. Little Women
9. Analyze This
10. Casablanca

5 Things Mom likes
1. Shoes
2. Pajamas
3. Purses
4. Frogs
5. Mark Twain

5 Facts about Mom
1. Today is her birthday!
2. She owns a toad house.
3. She collects Currier and Ives dishes.
4. She has 2 children, 2 stepchildren, 1 stepchild in-law, 1 grandbaby.
5. Everyone loves her!

Happy Birthday Mom!! I love you so much!!!!

Scene From a Classroom

(7:59 am, outside the science building)
Suzie: Shoot! I'm late for class.
(8:02, Suzie walks in the classroom, sees only 2 other students, professor not in sight)
Suzie: At least I'm not late.

(8:04, professor walks in)
Prof: Alright, take out paper and a pencil.
Suzie's stomach begins to throb at the thought of a pop quiz.
Suzie: Since 8 people are still not here, can those who were on time have a hint?
Prof: No.

(8:15, four questions later, Suzie sweating, still throbbing)
Suzie (to herself): I will not throw up. I will not throw up.

(8:17)
Suzie (to herself): If I ask a question about the quiz, maybe he will think I understand and subconsciously give me a better grade.
Suzie (outloud): When you say, "What is the difference between a JFET and MOSFET transistor?" do you mean physically or in functionality?
Prof: Uhh... put both.
Other students in class glare at Suzie.

(8:20, professor reveals answers, Suzie makes a 70, throbbing weakens)
Suzie (to herself, scribbling in the margins of her notes): If I make a C in this class, I can still keep up my GPA.
(Throbbing ceases.)

(8:23, Steve, the smartest guy in class, "takes notes" on his laptop)
Prof: You can make any circuit involving resistors and capacitors out of only transistors.
Steve: Is that like making logic circuits out of only NAND gates?
Professor leaves subject of transistors to tell the history of 1960s computers made only of NAND gates.
(8:29, Suzie watches Steve draw the 7 of hearts and move it onto the 8 of clubs)
Steve: How does that computer compare to my cell phone?
Professor talks about the implications of cell phones in today's society.

(8:37, Suzie gets antsy in her chair)
Suzie (to herself): I'll go to the bathroom at 8:40, just so I can get up.

(8:38:14, waiting)
(8:38:32, waiting)
(8:38:49, waiting)
(8:39:26, Suzie looks at watch)
(8:39:43, Suzie looks at watch again)
Prof: This will be on the test.
Suzie (to herself): Shoot! What did he just say?

(8:42, Suzie, still not in the bathroom, realizes she has no idea what professor is talking about)
(8:44, Suzie goes to the bathroom on the first floor, even though there is a bathroom down the hall from her classroom on the third floor)
(8:47, Suzie returns to class)
Suzie (to herself): That only took 3 minutes?

(8:48, Suzie yawns, accidentally makes eye contact with professor, quickly looks away)
(8:49, Suzie, determined to pay attention, copies down what professor says)
Professor: Turn to figure 3.23.
Suzie turns the page, realizes she is the only one with her textbook open.

(9:07)
Professor: The graph of this transistor is much like the graph of a claustrophobic monkey who has been trained to press a button in order to receive a banana.
Class stares blankly at professor.

(9:10, Steve moves the king of spades onto the top of the deck, wins his game of Solitaire)
(9:23, three minutes after class should be dismissed)
Professor: Great job in class today guys. And girls. Next time, we'll be discussing figures 3.36, 3.37, and 3.38. Flips a few pages. Oh yeah, and 3.40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48. See you Tuesday.

Suzie's throbbing resumes.

23 for 23

23 Things I like About Josh – In no order

1. His presence soothes and relaxes me.
2. He desires to have a relationship with God.
3. He makes major life decisions with me in mind.
4. He's done things for years just because I want him to.
5. His hands are smooth and muscular. He keeps his nails clean and short. And his ears are clean too.
6. He doesn't cuss/smoke/do drugs.
7. He is dedicated to not drinking carbonated beverages. He doesn't drink coffee either.
8. We can talk about anything. He listens to me when I talk about things that don't interest him. I know how he'll react when I tell him bad things. I know how he'll react when I tell him good things. He can say things to me only using his eyes.
9. He makes me lunch. He makes me eat healthier than I would on my own. He lets me decide where to eat dinner.
10. He is smart. He found a way to make money from playing video games.
11. He is good with people. He remembers people's names and whispers them in my ear when they walk up. If he meets you once, he'll remember your name.
12. His family loves me.
13. We have secret codes for stuff that only we know about.
14. He makes up funny things for me to write/say/put in my away message. He lets me take the credit.
15. He waits at the doctor's office with me when I'm sick.
16. He makes Bear sing and dance.
17. He's grown up with me, and we have the same background.
18. He's committed to me.
19. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows how to calm me down when I cry. He knows the bad things about me. He knows my life goals. He knows what I'm scared of. He knows what's best for me.
20. He doesn't look at porn.
21. He supports me even when he doesn't like what I’m doing.
22. He loves his brothers. He cares about his family more than money.
23. He's my best friend. He calls me Sweet Pea.

Happy Birthday!!! I love you!

Views on Politics

I am not a political person. I don't know if I am a democrat or a republican, nor do I care. I don't have any bumper stickers on my car saying, "Vote or Die," "Four More Years", or "Kerry On." When November 2 rolls around, I'm still not sure which candidate will get my vote. I struggle with the fact that since I live in Texas my vote really doesn't matter. Sure, it counts. But it doesn't make a difference. Texas will go to Bush regardless of what I do. Maybe that's why I'm not political.

But at 2:00am last night when I was hypnotically clicking the Next Blog button up top, I was surprised to see so many blog entries devoted to the upcoming election. Is this what blogging is about? Have I missed some unwritten rule about blogs? I better get on the bandwagon then.

I am writing this entry not to try to convince anyone that one candidate is better than the other. Bush and Kerry both have good and bad qualities, as political figures as well individuals. If I don't learn what those good and bad qualities are, I won't know what to expect when either of them wins. It is imperative to have some idea of what is going around you.

Even so, I'm not voting because the winner of the election is important; I'm voting because I am important. Neither Bush nor Kerry will ever know what issues are priorities to me but I am a person, and my opinions matter, if to nobody but myself. The act of voting is proof of my existence.

My Top Ten Issues

1. Homeland and National Security
Bush: 2 checks
Kerry: 0 checks

It is important for me to feel safe and protected. I want this from my future husband, my friends, my family, my community, and my country. Security is a basic and core need for every person. It is a sentiment rather than a testament. I can feel secure without a 100% guarantee that I am safe. Metal detectors and visa inspections are not the solution to insecurity although they help. In order for me to feel secure in my country, I need a President who I believe will stop at nothing in order to protect me.

I don't know what Kerry specifically plans on doing to make me feel more secure. I tried looking at his web page but it didn't say anything other than he will make this country more secure. I know what Bush will do. He'll stop at nothing, even if it means taking away some of my freedoms or discriminating against certain groups. I am aware of the negative consequences of those actions but I am willing to risk that in order to satisfy this basic need that I have.

Bush on Homeland Security

Kerry on Homeland Security

2. Health Care
Bush: 1 check
Kerry: 3 checks

I haven't begun to deal with health care insurance yet since I am still a legal dependent of my parents. However, that will change in less than a year. I know that I want to be able to choose my own doctor and go to specialists if needed so that I can get the best care that I can afford. I also want cost of prescription drugs lowered, the number of uninsured children reduced, and a national health care program introduced.

Bush says that he wants to help people be able to choose their own doctor and get more adequate care. (Does this mean he is against managed health care programs? I still don't know how all of this works.)

However, Kerry wants to implement that Patient’s Bill of Rights, and is interested in a universal health care program. He wants to make sure that all Americans, especially children, are insured.

Kerry also wants to make generic drugs more available and legalize imported drugs from Canada – both of which may increase competition and lower the prices of brand-name drugs.

Kerry gets some checks here because of the universal health care program and its potential to insure more people. It is OK with me if he raises taxes to cover me at the hospital (real emergency or not).

PBS.org Healthcare Comparison

PublicAgenda.org Healthcare Comparison

3. Job Creation
Bush: 0 checks
Kerry: 4 checks

I'm about to graduate, and one of my big concerns is how quickly I can get a job with good benefits. I am completely against outsourcing of jobs. Companies are outsourcing the computer programming jobs that I want to countries like India.

I don't think it was Bush's fault that 3 million jobs were lost in the first year of his presidency. I think we can owe that to terrorism. However, Kerry is the one who is saying he will bring those jobs back and more. It doesn't matter whose fault it is; the newly elected President must fix it.

Additionally, I doubt Bush's tax cuts of 2001 will get me a job like he says they will. His Jobs and Growth Act of 2003 that provides tax incentives to companies that expand their payroll might.

I wholehearted agree with Kerry's plan to eliminate tax breaks to companies who outsource jobs and to give additional breaks to those who hire domestically.

Kerry gets four checks.

PBS.org Job Comparison

4. Science and Technology
Bush: 2 checks
Kerry: 0 checks

Although I am a computer science major, I am very cautious concerning advances in science. I think cloning and altering genes and DNA is disturbing and will ultimately have negative consequences. Researching cures for diseases and stay up-to-date with advances in technology is important but I never want to determine my baby's sex or clone my dog. "Playing God" can’t be a good idea.

Bush seems to recognize the difference between what can be done and what should be done. He has demonstrated this by proceeding with great care concerning stem-cell research.

I don't know what Kerry's guiding philosophy is on science and technology. I know that he plans on continued funding for stem-cell research. Until I know, my checks in this category goes to Bush.

Bush on Stem-Cells

Kerry on Stem-Cells

5. Social Security
Bush: 3 checks
Kerry: 1 check

I believe that when I retire, I will not be able to live or rely on social security payments. I am for privatization of social security benefits so that I can independently save for the future. I think that I would be able to save much more money if put money into a private pension plan than with the government.

Although I agree with Kerry that the government should not risk the current social security surplus by investing it. Kerry's voting record shows he is completely against privatization.

Bush says that he is for privatization so he gets three checks.

PBS.org Social Security Comparison

6. War on Terror
Bush: 4 checks
Kerry: 1 check

Unfortunately, I believe we went after the wrong enemy. Our fight should be against the extremist al-Qaida jihad, not Iraq.

Kerry says he will complete the mission in Iraq and hopefully bring in the United Nation to help us. This seems like a good idea to show our enemies that the world backs us in this war. But once again, I don't really know specifically what Kerry will do. I know what Bush will do – fight. And that's what I want against terrorism.

Also, I don't want to switch Commander-in-Chiefs in the middle of a war. That might give the enemy an opening to attack. We began this war with Bush so he should finish it. If we elect a new leader, if would be a sign of disunity, and therefore, weakness.

7. Education
Bush: 1 check
Kerry: 2 checks

Bush created the No Child Left Behind act, which attempts to ensure that every child will graduate from high school. I think it's good in theory but overall too strict, and we just don't have the money to pay for the resources needed to bring it to fruition. We need something more realistic. Some children do not have the physical capabilities, like high enough IQs, to make it through high school. The act also puts undo pressure on teachers to help students succeed when some students are just not capable of performing on higher levels.

Kerry recognizes the flaws in the No Child Left Behind act and says that he wants to help recruit more teachers in order to improve education. Since I am considering teaching, this might be beneficial to me.

I don't have an opinion on the voucher issue, which helps parents send their kids to private school. I do think there are other issues more important than vouchers. Such as, how am I going to pay back my debts for college? Will my future kids be able to pay for college? Fortunately, both Kerry and Bush have specific plans to help higher education costs.

Bush on Education

Kerry on Education

8. Gay Marriage
Bush: 2 checks
Kerry: 1 check

Oh man, gay marriage. How do I write this without offending anyone?

I am against gay marriage, and I think practicing homosexuals are sinning. I don't know if homosexuality is a choice or something you are born with but I think to practice it is wrong. However, I do believe that all gay people are God's creation and have the same inalienable rights as everyone else. It's one of those "hate the sin, love the sinner" issues.

There's a difference between being tolerant of private behavior and endorsing that behavior. I don't want my future child to have a gay elementary school teacher but I do want to be tolerant of the person.

I go back and forth about supporting same-sex civil unions. Faithful and loving partners should be able to have the same legal benefits that married couples do. But where is the line between faithful and loving partners and relationships involving incest? People once considered homosexuality to be an unacceptable behavior. Will our views on incest or bestiality change too if we allow behavior to be a factor in our rights? We can't become a society like the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah where everything is acceptable. There has to be a limit somewhere on what our society accepts, in order to protect us from the consequences of sin.

Even though I think civil unions should be allowed, I don't want to start supporting inappropriate behaviors so that's why two checks in this category go to Bush.

I think Bush's attempt to amend the Constitution to define marriage was at best silly. The definition of marriage is not one of the foundations of our country.

PBS.org Gay Marriage Comparison

9. Environment
Bush: 1 check
Kerry: 2 checks

Saving our natural resources and finding more efficient fueling methods is important to me. I hear predications all the time about when we are going to run out of oil – anytime between 2025 and 2040. At least sometime in my lifetime.

I want to see funding for research of more fuel-efficient cars, whether hybrids, electric, solar power, whatever. I'd also like to see more tax breaks for people who buy fuel-efficient cars.

I tend to side with Bush over specific environment issues such as the Artic National Wildlife Reserve and the Kyoto global warming pact to cut greenhouse gas emissions. However Kerry's environmental philosophy seems better overall. Nature ultimately is more important than our economy (except when I am the one loosing money).

I'm definitely for Kerry's "Restore America’s Waters" campaign. We need to be sure we will never run out of clean drinking water.

Bush on Environment

Kerry on Environment

10. Other
Bush: 2 checks
Kerry: 0 checks

I do think Bush unintentionally misled the country about Iraq. His advisors probably misled him. But in the back of my mind I believe the war in Iraq was about oil first, weapons of mass destruction second. Whether he lied to us directly or by omission, I don't know.

Kerry has a poor voting record. He can talk all he wants but his actions show what he truly believes and will fight for. I don't think he has as strong convictions as Bush does.

If I were President, I would lower the national drinking age in order to reduce drinking. It would cause more problems for the first few years but ultimately things would calm down. Teenagers rebel by drinking, and they think it makes them cool. If 13 year olds were allowed to drink with their parents, alcohol wouldn't be such a problem at 18. I don't think either candidate is running on that issue.

Totals
Bush: 18 checks
Kerry: 14 checks

I guess I'll be voting for Bush.

Monitor Lighting

Sometimes at night I turn off the ceiling light in my bedroom, and the blue haze of my computer monitor acts as the only source of illumination. The ocean scene on the background of my desktop layers the room with an azure hued tint. The white, pasty walls of my college apartment turn slate-gray, and they no longer are a sharp contrast to the ripped out calendar pages of European tourists traps that serve as art.

I take off my glasses, and my imagination struggles to match the blurred objects I see with what I wish was there. The dark sienna curvy shapes by the foot of my bed become two sleeping Himalayan rabbits. The dresser transforms into real oak, cherry colored. My makeshift wall art turns into framed impressionist masterpieces. My textbooks translate into novels.

I put my glasses back on and see my torn brown flip-flops in a heap by my bed. The red oak dresser now has a fake oak finish. A famous British author no longer wrote Numerical Methods, Second Edition.

But I keep the computer monitor turned on and the room lights off. My imagination takes me to under the deck on a sailboat; the azure-tinted waves pounding against the windows make the white cabin walls appear gray.

Open Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

This is your only daughter writing. The daughter that you formed, framed, and fashioned into almost a perfect likeness of yourself. Not only that, the daughter who willingly and eagerly wants to become more like you. I thought I had closely followed in your footsteps these 22 years, but I was mistaken. You have hidden something from me. I now question a part of you.

How in the world did you major in Electrical Engineering? Do you actually understand this stuff that I am reading about in my Instrumentation class? Can you decipher this sentence: “When biasing an emitter follower, for instance, you choose the base voltage divider resistors so that the divider presents a stiff voltage source to the base, i.e., their parallel impedance is much less than the impedance looking to the base” (1)? I don't think you can.

Don't get me wrong; it's not that I don't think you are smart enough to grasp EE. It's just that I've never seen you solder. You haven't tinkered around in the garage making feedback amplifiers. I don't think you even own an oscilloscope. Unless it is in our attic, in which case I doubt you climb up there to use it.

So, how is it possible that you devoted 4 years of your life to this subject, and yet, a visitor in our house would not see any evidence of it? Of course, evidence of other learned subjects is scattered about our house. On top of our coffee table lay quilt designs sketched on graph paper with fractions and equations in the margins. Possible math major? The paintings in our house illustrate scenes of the frontier and sledding through a Currier and Ives America. Maybe a history buff lives here. Consider the books we own. The One-Minute Manager. Who Moved My Cheese? What Color is Your Parachute? Face it, none of the books, paintings, movies, kitchen utensils, fabric swatches, or anything else we own suggest a higher level of knowledge about diodes and resistors.

All of this leads me to three possible conclusions.

1. You BSed your way to a B.S. (2). You didn't like EE, you didn't care to learn about it, and when the provost handed you your diploma, you promptly and purposely forget everything you learned.

2. You earned your degree through hard work, graduated, sold your textbooks to pay for concert tickets, let Uncle Joe borrow your soldering iron and function generator, and then you got a job that required little-to-no electrical engineering skill.

Or 3. You really are a crazy, robot-building electrical engineer. This stuff about you going to work every day is just to disguise your real occupation as mad scientist. Your secret lab is hidden away in our attic, and every day you turn on the oscilloscope to watch your robot-baby's heartbeat through the monitor (3). One day your robot-baby will destroy. destroy! Destroy! Until then, you will make quilts with GPS-enabled chips in the seams so you can track your prey.

If you really are living life #3, please take me with you as you begin to conquer. I don't want to go to my electronics class anymore.

I love you very much,
your daughter

(1) Horowitz, Paul and Winfield Hill. The Art of Electronics. Cambridge University Press. Cambridge: 2001. p 96.

(2) The closest I have come to cussing in a while.

(3) The heartbeat closely resembles a cosine (x^2) wave.

True Story?

So I've started a blog. Last Thursday, when I was eager to, no, planning on typing 1000 words a day, I didn't really think about the purpose of my efforts. Instead of asking myself, “What information will the world have after reading this blog that they didn't have before?” I spent my time analyzing the colors of the templates and picking a suitable name. And now a week has passed, and I do not have 7000 words to show for it. On the contrary, I am working on word number 588. Well, the word “number” was 588. The word “588” was actually word 589. It’s still roughly 6,400 words less than my goal.

Back to the problem at hand, why anyone would want to read this blog. What could I write that would be worthwhile to other people, to humanity? Isn't that the question that haunts all writers? Maybe it only haunts those who write in order to be read by someone else. I have heard that someone out there, writers exist who write only for themselves. These writers have an innate story that dwells inside of them although they did not create it. This story burdens them, and they write only to expel the spirit the demon the vision the illusion. When the spirit-story passes from inside the realm of the body to the outside world of paper, the deadweight is gone and the writers are free from its grasp. Until the sequel.

I, unfortunately, have no such innate story inside of me. Not at this point in my life. But much like a young girl's thoughts of true love, maybe my “true story” is out there. Someday, it will come into my life and my knees will shake and my heart will flutter and I'll know, this is it! This is the one! This is the story that I have been chosen to tell. Until then, I'll wait. With this blog. More like this blahg.

Ok, so I have established, in my mind at least, that I am a writer who writes for other people. Well, not currently. I mean, right now I'm literally writing to nobody. But that doesn't matter. The point is, what can I write about? I know I don't want this blog to be my daily journal. No one cares to read about the lives of college students. I do homework, I hang out with Josh, I go to class, I eat, I sleep. That's it. That's my daily journal for the rest of the semester.

I don't think my bit about picking a random noun out of the nearest book will work because I'm not a yet cleverer enough writer to pull that off. Maybe people want to know what it is like to be a student at a conservative Christian school. Or about a 23-year old who will relatively soon be getting married. Maybe I could write about my views of technology and computers, since I am a computer science major. I could do "What I am Thinking About Today" only because that will force me to think about something, which I'm sure is more than many other college students do in the average 24-hours.

What I'm thinking about right now is that I'm just rambling. This blog has no purpose yet. I still haven't done anything that is worthwhile to other people. The one about buses was better than this. Don't worry. Someday, my true story will come.

On a Bus

Hey everyone! My first post.

Today's theme: I'm going to open up the nearest book to me and write about the first noun that I see. Today's book: The Art of Electronics by Horowitz and Hill. Today's word: bus. As in bus interfacing.

Bus.... Buses... Bus interfacing... Busboys… City buses... Busses? Busi?

I remember riding on the yellow school bus to my middle school. Every morning at 8:15 I began the walk down my street, backpack on one shoulder, as was the trend in those days. I turned onto the busy road where at one intersection was a gas station and also my bus stop. While I shuffled down the main street, I often imagined that as the cars passed me, the occupants of those cars would stare at me through their rear-view mirrors. Sometimes I'd get scared and hurry my step to arrive at the safe refuge of the bus stop. I supposed that a stranger taking an interest in 12-year-old was a precursor to a stalking or kidnapping or some other heinous crime.

Every now and then, though, I imagined that the drivers and even passengers stared because they'd never seen anyone quite like me before. They would somehow see all of the qualities that I liked about myself, shining through my eyes and my hair and my gait. They'd see intelligence shoot out of the tips of my fingers and happiness steam from my sweat set off by the hot Texas morning. In reality, no one was staring at me. No one was planning on kidnapping me. And no one saw joy or innocent beauty radiating from inside me. The only thing in their rear-view mirrors was the back of the stop light behind them and the license plate of the blue pick-up truck on their tail.

My mom once told me the when boys mature, they end up having the same characteristics that they did in 6th grade. If they were jerks in 6th grade, they'll be jerks at 30. No matter how much they change during puberty and adolescence and their 20s, the cycle will eventually complete itself. If they were sweet in the 6th grade, they will be sweet as an adult. I think that's true for many people, girls and boys alike. Including me. The things that I did when I was 12, I do now.

I walk down the street, no longer to the bus stop but now to get exercise or fresh air. I once again imagine that people are staring at me. Is it because they want to rape me, or are they overcome by some elegance and grace that I possess? Do they know that I'm scared of them? Do they really think about me as I walk by? He just smiled at me. Is he checking me out? Does that girl know who I am? In reality, she doesn't. And he didn't smile. No one is looking at me. It’s not because people don’t care about me. It’s just that in the rear-view mirrors of their minds, they’re busy checking to see if anyone is staring at them.